You think you just fell out of a coconut tree?
A reading update, surrendering to influence, and, of course, articles—including some fun ones on design trends.
Happy Sunday, babes! This week has been impressive: my subscribers shot up after I posted a trending TikTok, the podcast I produce released an episode with Crissle West of The Read, I popped someone’s hot yoga and Erewhon cherry, and my 9-year-old cousin specifically asked me to come to the farmer’s market and let me try her mac & cheese. It feels good to be wanted!
Every three to four months, I ask my almost 3000 Instagram followers what "we" are reading these days. I’m nearly finished with See Now Then, a novel by Jamaica Kincaid about marital heartache and a jilted housewife, themes present in my life as I’ve been rewatching Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. NPR lauded the novel for balancing the “prosaic” and the “profound,” which I think the Housewives series also does well.
I have about fifty pages of Yellowface by R. F. Kuang that I’ve been stalling on reading for the past two months because I don’t want my relationship with the novel to end!
The girls are reading a lot of self-help, and titles like Big Friendship by Ann Frediman and Aminaou Sow stood out. A very eligible bachelor told me he is reading The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love by bell hooks.
I’ve never read Like Water for Chocolate by Laura Beatriz Esquivel Valdés, but I remember it being a favorite of my moms. When I posted the novel, I got a few replies about how it’s a must-read.
A conversation about discernment and faith with my heart sister, Imani, led to another book suggestion: Sensual Faith: The Art of Coming Home to Your Body by Lyvonne Briggs. She wrote about it in her TwentyNineThirty piece on her Christian upbringing, sexuality, and sensuality while honoring what feels at home in her body and true to her faith.
I feel connected when gathering our shared resources and recommendations. Although I haven’t read every suggestion and probably won’t ever get to all of them, I like being tuned into the books that captivate my digital and IRL collective. Life feels good when you're in community with people who aren’t afraid to share a bit of themselves.
This almost quarterly ritual of collecting book recommendations is partly inspired by growing up as an avid reader and having a mom who hosted a monthly book club. Part of me also uses my curiosity as a vehicle for engagement baiting. More importantly, I've discovered that while I desire to be interesting (yes, I can admit that), I find even more pleasure in being curious about the people I choose to connect with.
This simple question posed in my IG story reminds me that my identity is shaped by the people around me (whether I like it or not), their perspectives and passions, and our intrinsic desire to connect with others. Kamala was right about one thing: “You exist in the context of all in which you live and what came before you.”
I’m thinking back to what Laura Harrier told The Cut about gatekeeping in the spring: “Controversial opinion, but I feel like we need to go back to gatekeeping. Everyone is sharing way too much information. We’ve all worked hard to find places and a distinct style, and I don’t think it should be given out on the internet all the time. That’s my rant about that.”
I partially agree with Harrier, and wherever she shops is probably an extension of the relationships she’s built in her 30-something years of life. Yet, it’s a bit self-obsessed to assert about your taste, your aesthetic, and the things that make you—you are all an extension of your singular hard work. We are shaped by a rich tapestry of experiences and influences, other people's “stuff.” It feels odd to act otherwise, as our style fell out of a coconut tree.
I’ve found that many of my relationships take a step forward or move an inch deeper when I surrender to being influenced and am gutsy to share my shopping, reading, and eating lore liberally. I’ve started chatting with girls I may have met once at an event about the articles I post on my story or the books I peep in their photo dumps. Sue me, but I’m not afraid to screenshot an off-the-cuff story or a TikTok from my mutuals, especially the ones who clearly have no interest in being influencers or tastemakers. Our interactions (my stalking?) make up a tiny part of me, and I’ll never deny that. This is your reminder to welcome influence, inquire deeply, and farm pearls of inspiration—from book recommendations to unexpected sources.
Enough of my thoughts; now, onto the articles.
A Few Articles (Links In Header)
I Knew Diddy for Years. What I Now Remember Haunts Me.
In a jaw-dropping essay for The New York Times, former Vibe and Billboard magazine editor, journalist, and novelist Danyel Smith revisits the abusive and tainted professional relationship between her and Diddy, where she confronts the complexities of her own memories and the nightmarish realities faced by women in the music industry.
Here’s a quote: “My glory days were infused with crisis. There was the not knowing, the wondering, the suspecting, the kind of knowing, the actually knowing, the acting as if you don’t know. I have been a fly on the wall, and a fly pinned to it. I made a career in the music business. I loved it, and it almost killed me. It was a lot to hold in my mind at once. The sadness and anxiety pushed me to nicotine and then Wellbutrin. Some of my past times, including Combs’s stalking me at the Vibe office, had to be redacted. I blacked them out in order to keep the lights on.”
If you’re unfamiliar with Danyel, she hosted the "Black Girl Songbook" podcast and has a newsletter here on Substack. I produced a “Therapy for Black Girls” episode with her last year. Her writing is incredibly brave, given that sometimes when the abuse we've experienced seemingly pales in comparison to others, we don’t feel compelled to speak up. I am sending her much love and blessings.
"The Notebook" Is 20 Years Old — but Does the Love Story Still Hold Up?
Another romcom is celebrating a monumental anniversary. Last week, we talked about 30 Going on 30. As the conversation on decentering romance brews online and IRL, nothing is more important than unpacking this generation’s defining romance film, The Notebook, and exploring the numerous cracks in its idealized portrayal of young love. The intensity of the romance between Noah and Allie was nothing short of a toxic relationship.
Here’s some food for thought from the article: “She notes that ‘beautifully possessive’ intensity can lead to an insecure attachment, which can come with dependency issues, unstable views of oneself, and anxiety regarding the relationship.”
13 Reasons Why You Should Be a Burl (Wood) Girl
According to Sydney Gore, Architectural Digest's digital design editor, the unique and intricate grain of "burl wood" is currently worth putting on your mood board. Whether you're in the process of furnishing a space (as I will be soon) or intrigued by design trends, her new column, Rent Free, is a must-add to your media diet.
The Women Using Menswear to Explore Their Own Identities
It’s always deeper than clothes. This piece reminded me that fashion and the art of dressing ourselves are about communicating how we want to take up space and how we feel about ourselves. I loved this quote: “The more comfortable you are as a person,” she says, “[the more] your style will adapt into something so unique.”
Rock beats scissors | Bye bye, consumerist guilt!
Jane Song discusses how the beauty industry has shifted away from glamour, blurring the line between the adult and the childlike with "pebbles" or "comfort objects" perfected by "masstige" brands like Glossier. The absence of tween-centric spaces and retailers has influenced not only the branding of makeup products but also how they make us feel. Our "emotional support lip balms" are not of the Kat Von D tradition; they go beyond vanity and may help us cope with markers of maturity that seem unattainable.
This got me thinking about how acquiring more “stuff," especially luxury-positioned goods, seems like the defining marker of adulthood in 2024. We can’t afford houses or timeshares, so a stacked collection of Ami Cole and Rhode lip products, high-end skincare, and $300 fragrances will do.
Here’s a quote: “When market forces have stunted traditional markers of American adulthood like home ownership and childbearing, there’s no point in outgrowing a childlike aesthetic palate.”
The Fyre Fest Fraudster Is Connecting Trump With Rappers
It’s safe to say this week in politics feels like Shonda Rhimes scripted it. There was an assassination attempt on Trump, Hollywood is turning its back on President Joe Biden, and Jack Schlossberg is Vogue’s new political commentator. Lost in the shuffle is the revelation that Fyre Fest organizer Billy McFarland is the link between the Trump campaign and hip-hop.
What’s Behind a Microtrend?
Again, Sydney Gore is a superb follow. Here, she chats about what makes a trend noteworthy and whether trend reporting contributes to the sometimes annoying proliferation of "-cores" in design and the ever-evolving trend cycle.
Some more articles
Abercrombie has undergone the (size-inclusive?) rebrand of the century.
Reese Witherspoon’s Hello Sunshine is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to celebrity book clubs. Read about them here.
Jamilah Lemieux details the web of abuse in the Kendrick Lamar-vs.-Drake beef.
Here’s why women are disappearing from tech.
That’s all for today! Is there anything specific you’d like me to write about? Article recs? Please email me: ellisellice@gmail.com.